When we last left our Abecedarium, we had finished a discussion on the importance of the breath in helping with a sense of control.  “Control” is a big issue for me.  As a Virgo (I use that as an excuse), I have real control issues.  So does Trish, who is also a Virgo.  Like any human characteristic, being a control freak can be an asset as well as a liability.  It was an asset during my management career (and at times a liability).  It has been a liability during this home renovation (and at times an asset).

I was ruminating recently about “control” during—what else—spin class.  An exercise class seems to be one of the few times that I surrender control.  It’s really freeing.  I don’t have to think about or decide what to do next.  I surrender to Casey; she tells me what to do; and, I do it.  She also pushes me to work harder than I would if I was exercising without her direction.  And I get 45 minutes during which my brain gets a much needed rest—or, a much needed silencing. 

It’s actually really hard for me to think of other situations in which I truly surrender control!  For example, I am a horrible passenger in a car, particularly when I am sitting in the front seat.  I know that I am not the world’s perfect driver and that others certainly must cringe when they are my passenger.  I also know that people who choose driving habits different from my own are not necessarily unsafe.  I just prefer the choices that I make behind the wheel and bristle at choices others make.  No one knows this more than Trish.  She does a majority of our driving because I prefer not to drive, plus I simply can’t drive at night due to vision issues.  Annoyingly, though, my body language will often betray my control issues.  I try really hard to avoid pressing the imaginary brake pedal on my side of the car.  I try really hard to not react to lane movements or other cars or anything.  But I do.  Eye rolling and snippiness emanate from the driver.  I am also well known for making “suggestions,” like “We need to turn right soon, so you might want to get over into the right lane.”  Said suggestions are rarely appreciated.  So what if I would have gotten over three miles ago?  Other people feel a different sense of urgency about lane changes.  I actually prefer to sit in the back seat if there are three or more of us.  This way, I can look out the side window and somewhat relax.  I take the responsibilities of riding shotgun a little too seriously.  (I asked Trish if she laughed editing this paragraph.  She said she did not.  She said she’s going to make me start sitting in the back seat.  They don’t call it “Driving Ms. Sherri” for nothing.)

“Control” has certainly been on the top of my mind these last couple of weeks as we asymptotically approach the completion of our home renovation.  Much as I try, I simple cannot control what gets done and when.  The project manager himself seems to have limited control, although I have some suggestions for him on communication, another good “C” word.  Remember last time when I said that the bathroom granite was delayed because we had trouble finding sinks to fit the vanity?  Well, they came Wednesday to finally install said granite, and they cut the granite for the wrong size sink.  Yes, that wailing you heard around 1:30 Wednesday afternoon was from us.  There was the blame game between the granite supplier and the builder, followed by deafening silence from the granite supplier on the possible path forward.  We had NO CONTROL over any part of this situation.  Meanwhile, everything else in the house was almost done, but no room was totally done.  Construction trash is everywhere.  Little things that, in my mind, could have been wrapped up weeks ago remain unfinished.  Is there some valid reason that after installing the refrigerator that SOMEONE couldn’t have removed the tape and packaging from inside the frig and put on the door handles?  (Jaws clenching….)

Friday was the day our over-zealous project manager promised us that the kitchen would be totally finished, the construction trash removed, and all items on the current punch list completed.  “Everything except that bathroom will be DONE!” he overpromised.  We stopped by early afternoon to revel in our almost completed house, happy in the news from that morning that the granite supplier had found a matching slab and would cut and install the bathroom granite next week.  We arrive to a house that had two guys putting in a door.  No army of workers attacking a punch list.  No exhaust hood installed in the kitchen.  No handles on the fridge.  Plenty of construction trash everywhere.  Everything looks about the same as it has for the past several weeks, even though a number of little things had indeed been done.  We lost it.  Both of us—a very scary thing.  We called the project manager who, of course, had been pulled off to an emergency at another job and got the litany of excuses. 

I know this is par for the course when you do a big project like this one.  Everyone shares their own horror stories with us, which does make me feel a bit better.  It’s not just us.  I know everything will get done and we will probably start moving back in next weekend.  It WILL happen.  But I can’t control anything and that drives me nuts.  What I CAN do is take a few deep breaths and work on controlling my reaction to what is going on.  (And have a couple of stiff drinks and go to bed early.)

In the grand scheme of things, isn’t that all we really DO control:  how we react to situations?  I don’t really totally surrender control in spin class.  I make an active choice to do what Casey tells me to do.  In fact, if I’m having a tough day or if I’ve pushed too hard, I make the choice to back off a bit.  I never really controlled situations at work.  What I controlled was how I reacted to situations and people and what I chose to say and do to try and create an outcome that I wanted.  What actually happened depended on the choices others made, not on my “control” of the situation.

So that’s where we are on this Super Bowl weekend (Go Birds!).  Still in my sister-in-law’s house.  Still tantalizingly close to moving back home.  Still taking a lot of deep breaths and working to master control of myself instead of the world around me.  And still trying to learn the importance of deferring to those who have the right skills and experience to do what needs to be done.