In my last essay, Transitioning to Retirement (Part I), I introduced you to my five step process for managing the abrupt change from work into retirement.  Those five steps are: Detox, Endless Vacation, What Day is it?, Catharsis and The New Normal.  After a brief description of each of those stages, I dove a bit deeper into Detox.  Today, we are going to tackle the next two steps:  Endless Vacation and What Day is it?  The first is probably the most enjoyable time you will ever have in your life.  The second will be one of the most disconcerting. 

As you may remember, the timing of my move into retirement was not exactly of my own choosing.  That sort of intensity change, from 110 miles per hour to about zero overnight, can leave you numb and at a bit of a loss for what to do when your eyes open in the morning.  I was lucky in that I saw my probable unemployment coming for several months and had some time to prepare (if not anticipate).  My Detox time really only lasted a couple of weeks and even that may be generous.  I was just done.  That last year was so exhausting and mentally debilitating, and I was close enough to my planned retirement year, that I just said “enough”.  I knew I wasn’t going back to full time work.

As luck would have it, I was “retired” in late June.  I still woke up with the early morning sun, but now my days stretched in front of me with glorious…..glorious……What is the word I’m looking for?  Not laziness, although there was plenty of that.  Not nothingness, because it wasn’t that either.  Leisure!  Glorious leisure!  Think about those times you had a long weekend, like Memorial Day or maybe July 4^th.  Maybe you tacked on a few extra days and stretched it into a week or so.  Maybe you went to the shore or the mountains.  Maybe you just stayed home.  But you looked in front of you and thought, “Wow.  I have X days to just live before I have to go back to work!”  Then that time just sped by and before you knew it, there was that pit in your stomach.  “I’d better check e-mail, just to know what’s waiting for me.”  You start thinking about what you know is coming up and then about what might be coming up and then you start thinking about some of the people you’ll have to deal with and….it’s over.

It’s fitting that I started drafting this essay while in Aruba for a week.  Those weeks in Aruba over the years (yes, some people actually LIKE their timeshares) were wonderful and tragic at the same time.  Lying in the sun, feeding lettuce to iguanas, reading for pleasure…all gave me a taste of what “it” could be like.  This time, though, the end of the trip brought no additional sadness beyond missing those iguanas.  OK, some frustration at the lines for immigration and the 45 minutes it took PHL to unload the luggage, but Monday just brought a return to spin class.  Painful as that was after a week off, it was still enjoyable!

So, what will you do during your Endless Vacation phase?  Depends on your personality and your “if I only had time” list.  For me, it was taking long walks on local trails, reading for pleasure, and taking naps.  (Although I quickly learned that I was not allowed to take naps in view of Trish when she was working from home.)  For others, it might be cleaning out the garage or tackling the yard or going to see friends you haven’t seen in ages.  The key to the Endless Vacation stage is that whatever you do, you are doing it for pleasure.  While most of us need a sense of purpose at some level, that does not apply to this wondrous phase.  You will (hopefully) just do whatever you want to do.  Allow yourself this time.  You’ve earned it, darn it.  And if you jump too quickly into something too demanding, guess what?  You’ll just end up back in Detox.  A note to those of you that do end up moving into a different yet demanding responsibility after you retire, such as caring for an aging parent or taking on a consulting role or going back for another degree.  You haven’t retired; you’ve simply moved on to another job.  Your Detox and Endless Vacation will come later, maybe never if you enjoy being that busy (or are required to be that busy).  I do recognize that what I’m describing will be seen by many as a luxury.  I hope you all get to enjoy it at some point.

When do you know when Endless Vacation has come to an end?  I don’t remember exactly when this happened (and that should be a clue), but it was warm enough for me to be wearing shorts and for us to be sitting outside.  I had met a good friend from my Air Products days, along with her husband, for lunch.  They had moved out of town when she retired and were coming back to the area for a visit.  That morning, knowing that I had a real activity on my calendar, I showered early and put on “going out” khaki shorts and a real shirt.  I was excited!  I met “Mary” and “Chuck” at a favorite nearby restaurant and we had a wonderful time catching up.  We talked about retiring and how our lives had changed.  We laughed about how things that we used to fit into lunch hours or after work on the way home, had become the entire focus of a day.  As we wound up our time together and rose to say goodbye, Chuck asked me what else I was planning on doing that day.  I hesitated a second.  Then said, “I met you two for lunch!  Isn’t that enough?” 

As I drove home, exhausted by having been out for several hours and actually interacting with people, I thought to myself, “Sherri, I think you need something a little more engaging in your life.”  Endless Vacation was ending.  I was entering the realm of What Day is it?  I had been waking up in the morning not knowing what day it was because I had no schedule.  At first it was liberating.  Then it became a little frightening.  When I started Endless Vacation, I had looked forward to just sitting in one of our many reading chairs and reading for hours, meandering through the pile of books I had bought over the years and still wanted to read.  But now, an hour or so of reading is enough. Endless Vacation meant I could look forward to taking long walks every day.  But now after that long walk there was a lot of not moving and much snacking.  At the start of Endless Vacation I was able to take naps whenever I wanted!  But now I was falling asleep after going grocery shopping.  I had gotten bored.

It was time to start thinking about how I wanted my daily life to evolve.  Instead of planning for the future, I’m finally living in the present.  So, what does that look like for me?  How much of a time commitment did I want to make to something?  To an organization?  To an activity?  What could I get lost in?  What would be the output of this “something” and what would I do with it?  I honestly hadn’t given much thought to my post-full-time-work life except that I wanted to travel.  And even that raised questions:  Where?  Why?  I’m a goal oriented, outcome driven person.  What did that mean in my “retirement”?  As I noodled on these questions I tried some ideas out in “thought experiments” and rejected one after another.  Then I got a phone call that led to my first Catharsis.  We’ll pick up on that next time!

In the late 1960’s, Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross published On Death and Dying, in which she described the five stages of grief:  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  I became familiar with this theory a decade later when the 99¢ theatre I worked at in high school (yes, that was a thing and yes, I’m that old) showed Roy Scheider in All That Jazz. The film’s climax involves the lead character going through these five stages with much music, drama and “jazz hands”.

Anyway, the thesis I would like to present over the next few essays is that, similar to the grieving process (in more ways than one), there are five stages of transitioning into retirement.  You MUST progress through all five, in order.  Residence time in each stage will depend upon your unique situation.  Recycling is allowed.  Herewith, the five stages that we will explore:

1. Detox, in which our protagonist does basically nothing (except a little drooling) to allow the trauma of the workplace to leave the system;
2. Endless Vacation, in which our hero finally realizes that there is no pit in the stomach on Sunday nights, begins to relax, and starts doing all those things on the “when I retire” list.  Note that this particular list is not filled with admirable things like “giving back” or “producing something of value”.  This list includes “sleeping as late as I want”, “exercising whenever I want; or not”, “making an entire day out of going to the bank” and other low stress activities.
3. What Day is it? when our central character suddenly realizes that, um, maybe a little structure in my life is a good thing.
4. Catharsis, in which our star sifts through the possibilities of “things I want to do” that are a bit more constructive, tries a few on for size, and finds something that actually feels good.
5. The New Normal, in which our champion finishes the transition to retirement—for the time being.  Note that you are allowed to cycle through these steps as many times as you’d like, as you tire of whatever “new normal” you’ve settled upon.

So, let’s take a leisurely stroll through these stages.  I’ll use my own experience as an example, of course, along with those of others I know.  Identities will be lightly disguised as necessary since I don’t really plan to ask people permission to write about them.

Stage 1:  Detox

Everyone must go through detox!  There will be temptation to hurry through.  Don’t do it.  You NEED this time.  If you rush into something right away because you feel you should be busy, you will just delay detox until you DO finally sit still.  There is most likely a direct correlation between stress level in the job and needed detox time—and an inverse correlation with level of preparedness for what comes next.  Sit there and drool.  Walk in the woods.  Binge watch Game of Thrones.  Let your brain do what it needs to do.  A lucky few people will have found their passion early enough to make it their career.  Most of us find a career first and our passion only comes to the surface later.  Let it come. 

Everyone has their own detox story.  The first I’ll share is from a colleague I’ll call “David”.   David was about a decade older than me and someone who I always felt was too nice for someone so senior in the organization.  We’d have business lunches together, but rarely talk about business.  When he reached “Rule of 80,” I asked him why he didn’t retire right then.  (Rule of 80 was a benefit wherein if you were 55 and had at least 25 years of service, you could retire and start pulling your full pension right away.  It was my dream to reach Rule of 80 at 55.)  He said, “Once I hit the KMA [Kiss My Ass] Day, I realized I could walk anytime I wanted and my stress level immediately dropped.  I decided I’d stay a bit longer.”  David had a LOT of volunteer activities going on outside of work:  with his church, at a local fishing lake,  with Engineers without Borders, etc.  When he did finally retire, he said to me, “Well, it finally got to the point that I just didn’t have time to work anymore.”  I’m guessing David’s detox time was about as long as his drive home.

At the other end of the spectrum was “Steve”.  At the time I let Steve go, I was managing a support organization within Air Products and our budget was funded by the businesses.  We sold a business and I needed to let one headcount go to account for that loss of budget.  I hated firing people.  My fire to hire ratio at Air Products was about 30:1 because of the difficult times (remember the Great Recession?).  Steve had been roaming the halls for years, loudly stating that he wanted “a package”.  This meant a healthy severance check as he walked out the door.  Steve was entirely retirement eligible and his primary role was supporting the business that had just been sold.  This would be the easiest firing I’d ever done!  On the day Steve was brought to my office, I launched into the perfunctory business case.  The look on his face—you would have thought I’d just killed his dog!  Then he lost his temper and yelled at me for 10 minutes on how loyal an employee he’d been!  I was stunned.  Turns out, Steve wasn’t ready.  He hadn’t thought about what was next for him much less considered the need to detox.  He wanted to work until he didn’t and THEN he wanted that package.  I sped up his timing and it shook him.  I’m guessing Steve’s detox took months. 

My situation was somewhere between those two.  I started thinking about retirement about a nanosecond after I started working.  Don’t get me wrong—I had a great career with many satisfying achievements and good memories.  I was focused on what I needed to do in whatever role I was in, cognizant of the number of people depending upon me to do a good job.  However, if I hit the lottery, my resignation letter would have been on my boss’ desk the next day.  I’m not one of those people who, supposedly, “never worked a day in [their] life!” because they so loved what they did.  I worked and I worked hard.  For a long time.  And from the beginning, I planned my finances so that, should I choose at the time, I could retire when I turned 55.  This dream was strongly reinforced in my 40’s as colleagues I was close to started to reach that milestone and march off into the sunset.  I would meet them for lunch or dinner occasionally and see how much happier and younger they looked, hear about their adventures, and generally be pissed off that I still had 10 years to go.

I lost my job when I was about a year away from turning 55.  I saw it coming.  I was not heartbroken.  But it was still a shock when it DID happen.  I came home that day with a shell shocked grin (if that can happen).  My detox took a couple of weeks, on and off.

When will you know you’ve had enough time to detox?  Well, the best way I can describe it is that you’ll wake up one morning and suddenly realize you are seeing in color again.  Then it’s time to move on to Stage 2:  Endless Vacation.  We’ll pick up on that next time.