I’ve mentioned that I have been very lucky in life to have just the right mentors show up at just the right times.  Sometimes the mentoring bestowed was narrowly focused, like how Mrs. Cherry encouraged my interest in Chemistry in High School.  And sometimes the lessons were broad, on-going, and formative, such as those from one of my first bosses at Air Products.  I was extremely lucky to come under Tom’s guidance at a time when I was still really green from grad school and bumping into proverbial walls daily in a business environment.  His patience was legendary; his wisdom more so.  Over the years, my coaching has been peppered with “Tom”-isms.  The subject of this essay is one of the first he taught me and one of my favorites.

Let me set the scene.  Making that transition from school to “real work” was tough.  At least, it was in the late 1980’s when there was not a ton of interdisciplinary learning in school.  I knew Chemistry and lab work and research.  I loved molecules and they loved me.  However, I knew very little about how a laboratory discovery was turned into a viable product that people would actually buy and thus pay my salary.  I knew even less about the challenges interacting with associated divisions would bring.  Who knew what manufacturing, sales or finance needed to know to make my fabulous little discovery commercially successful?  I also knew very little about the politics of a working environment.  There were so many people working at different levels that I began pulling into myself more in order to avoid discomfort and conflict. 

This pathway is one that many people, especially scientists, end up taking.  They dive ever deeper into their own area of expertise and lose patience with those on the outside.  Not being able to connect with others is a huge issue not just in large corporations but in any venture where individuals need to contribute their part or the business will not be successful.  People talk past each other; they make incorrect assumptions around language and priorities; they minimize the difficulty of what other players contribute.  It’s not so much that people lack social skills (although that can be an issue) but that they fail to create a human connection that will allow more effective discussion.  Tom clearly saw me heading down this destructive pathway.

I don’t remember exactly what led Tom and me to have this discussion, but I sure remember the advice he gave me:  “Sherri, throughout your career and life you are going to have work with all kinds of people.  Some will be easy to connect with and some will not.  Here’s what I suggest you do: with every person you meet, find one thing about them that you can like or admire and one thing that you can learn from them.”  Simple advice.  But when I remember to put it into action, the impact is significant.  I have tried to employ this advice whenever I’ve needed to establish a new connection, be it professional or personal.  And I’ve had to establish a lot of connections over the years!

One area that this advice has helped me a lot has been at networking events.  I am a horrible networker!  I hate it, even!  I am an introvert and working a room is the biggest energy drain imaginable to me.  More often than not, I latch onto a couple of people I know and maybe let them introduce me to new people.  But when I remember to apply this Tom-ism, things get easier.  I start to ask people questions to find that one thing I like and that one thing I can learn.  Maybe it is a hobby they have, or a story they tell about some experience.  Maybe it is the way they smile or how kind they are to the person who interrupts our conversation.  Back in my Paint Chemistry days, I always appreciated when they knew something about corrosion resistant coatings or how to formulate better brush flow into a paint.  Maybe I just like their shoes.  But there is always something I can like and something I can learn. 

This advice is even more valuable, as you can imagine, with difficult work colleagues (or family members or neighbors or spouse’s friends or whomever).  It’s applicable not just to new people, but also to people that have become a challenge.  Here’s a good one.  After I came back from Mexico, I experienced something akin to career altitude sickness.  I jumped quite a few career levels and assumed a position that required way more political savvy than I had developed.  My timing was horrible, too.  I came back early in 2001 and we all know what happened that Fall.  When the economy fell off a cliff and business conditions soured, my lack of political skill was a real detriment to me.

One of my co-workers was not particularly happy that I was elevated to this new position.  Over the next few years, he took advantage of (and encouraged) my mistakes to slowly undermine my influence.  I gave him plenty of opportunity, too.  As I finally got my sea legs and worked to right the ship, I began to understand what he did.  Let’s just say he was not one of my favorite people.  But I had to keep working with him.  Find something you can like and something you can learn.  It was not easy.  But, over the coming years, I grew to appreciate his insights into the technology development process.  And I learned from him how to better use data and numbers to make a stronger case for a decision.  I focused on those things.  And by the end of both of our careers there was a thawing.  Dare I say even a fondness?  And, yes, even something of an apology for past indiscretions on both our parts.

I will admit that I am not always successful at putting Tom’s advice into practice.  With some people, finding the “something I like, something I can learn” is easy.  We connect right away!  Sometimes I don’t have enough time to find those jewels.  At times, like in the example above, it takes time, effort and persistence.  But I am convinced of this:  ultimately, you can always find something you like and something you can learn from any person.  Make the decision to do that and you can work with anyone.  And if you can work with anyone, you will find greater success.