I had an essay almost ready to go for today, but after thinking over the last several days that post just wouldn’t fit my mood.  That essay is more of a cranky rant—and I promise you will get to enjoy it soon—but today, on the second day of Rosh Hashanah, a cranky rant is just not appropriate.  I traveled into Central Pennsylvania with a few good friends this week to view the elk as they move into their mating season.  They are very active and thus visible this time of year, and what a majestic sight they are!  They are large long legged animals and the males have huge racks of antlers.  And they bugle to attract their mates.  It’s a haunting sound, particularly as it carries over misty hills at dawn.  We rented a cabin, brought our own food and lived without internet or TV for a couple of peaceful days.  And peaceful days have been a rarity lately.

We also, frankly, were escaping.  We’ve all been cooped up for months and spent too much of that time watching news, scrolling social media, taking sides and passing judgement.  And while we were escaping to a rural area, yard signs constantly reminded us of the current political climate.  I’m tired of feeling angry and afraid.  I’m tired of judging and being judged.  And I don’t like how I have contributed to all of this anger, fear and judgement myself.  So, I had a lot of time to think and talk things over with dear friends.  And as we move into the holiest time of year for Jews, I have begun my annual introspection with an honesty and searching that I’ve never had before.

I’m unaffiliated with any synagogue right now but even if I was a member somewhere services would be on line.  Not the same.  I always need the rhythm of the service to get into that zone.  That is my soak time, when I let my mind wander over whatever it needed to wander through but that I did not give it permission to do.  I have thought about the deep need I have for those services, yet one thing I have not been able to get out of my mind these last few days is the tradition of Tasklikh.  I will admit, I have not been a regular participant in this tradition.  It happens after the morning service of Rosh Hashanah, after I’ve already been in shul for 5-6 hours.  But the tradition is short and simple and today I just needed to do it.

Late morning, Trish and I grabbed a couple of pieces of bread, my High Holiday Mahzor (prayer book) and went in search of a flowing body of water.  This was not as easy a task as I thought it would be since most of the “streams” around our home are really for storm runoff and we haven’t had rain in a while.  But my trusty wife, who has lived in this area most of her adult life, knew where to go.  After reading some opening passages to set the tone, we each grabbed a piece of bread and went to the water’s edge.  With each piece of bread I tore off and tossed into the water, I asked forgiveness for some thing I had done or thought or said over the last year.  There is always a lot to think about.  After some closing readings and a little time for introspection, we drove home in silence.  I kept coming back, in my mind, to the thought that whatever I was asking forgiveness for always seemed to come back to the same thing:  Forgive me for not thinking and acting from love.

When I consider the extreme divisiveness in our country right now and when I hear all the hate and anger, what I really see is fear and hurt.  I believe that the vast majority of us in this country want the same thing.  We want peace, safety and prosperity.  Where we differ is in the methodologies used to attain these goals and, in some cases, who gets to participate in reaching those goals.  I honestly do not believe that the “opposing” party is trying to destroy this country!  And I sure don’t want those from that party thinking that is goal of the party I align with.  But that is the rhetoric that is being used and weaponized by both sides, driving us to fear and hate “the other”.  I don’t want to do that anymore.  I refuse to believe that people who put up yard signs supporting the candidate that I don’t support are evil.  I believe that they are fundamentally good people, who want what I want out of life.  Most of them do not want to harm other people or see them harmed.  They either are unaware of how the policies that they agree with harm other people (particularly those who are already disadvantaged) or they’ve been led to believe that harm will only come to those who deserve it.  Yes, there are some truly bad and hateful people out there, but I refuse to believe that they make up the majority of the electorate.  I am going to choose to think and act from love.  For my sanity, I must.  It doesn’t mean I won’t act.  I will for sure vote; I am volunteering as a poll worker; I am constantly researching, looking for facts, doing my best to make sure I am not blind to important impacts. 

I have a lot of work to do.  Tashlikh did not serve to absolve me of my sins but rather to reinforce awareness and to recommit me to do better every day.  There is so much pain in this world!  It breaks my heart!  I am committed to not letting that pain devolve into fear and hatred within myself.  As I navigate the High Holy Days this year, as I ask those in my life to forgive me for any sin I have committed against them no matter how inadvertent, I will be building my strength reserves for the weeks and months to come.  I wish you all peace, safety and prosperity.  And I wish you all the strength to face the world and all its pain with love.