It’s football season.  That wonderful time of year when I am constantly yelling at the TV.  Sometimes it’s about my annoyance with Pharma commercials.  Sometimes it’s my frustrations with poor clock management or yet another play up the middle that gets stopped at the line of scrimmage.  Trish will confirm, though, that my biggest rants are reserved for commentators who will replay one play over and over and over again and say, “This play will determine the game.”

The mother of all examples of this phenomenon, at least recently, was last year’s playoff game between the New Orleans Saints and the Los Angeles Rams for the NFC Championship.  The score was tied with less than two minutes to go.  The Saints faced a 3^rd and 10 from the Rams’ 13 yard line.  Drew Brees floated a pass to Tommylee Lewis down the right sideline.  The Rams defender flattened the Saints receiver well before the ball arrived–blatant pass interference.  No call from the refs.  The Saints lost the game.  Saints fans lost their minds.  All through the off season and still into this season we hear about how that call lost the Saints the game, the NFC Championship, maybe the Super Bowl and, to hear the pundits talk about it, probably the chance to solve world hunger.

What I keep yelling back at the TV (or grumble more quietly when reprimanded) is that IT NEVER IS ABOUT ONE PLAY!  Are you telling me that the Saints played an absolutely flawless game up until that point and that one call is the only thing that kept them from winning that day?  If that was true, wouldn’t the Saints have won by something like 120 to nothing?  Of course they did not play a flawless game.  Any number of different decisions in the preceding 58 ½ minutes of play could have made a difference in the outcome of that game.  Several assuredly did.  But that one wrong call was really obvious at a really bad time, so it gets the press.  And the poor ref gets death threats.

My point?  In football as in life, it never comes down to one play.  Success or failure never hinges on just one decision.  Don’t get too proud of yourself when one thing goes right; don’t get too down on yourself when one thing goes wrong—no matter how big that one thing is.  This essay is a nice companion to two others I’ve posted:  “It’s not about the decision” and “Personal Accountability”.  And I feel another one coming on about the importance of developing good coping skills.

It’s easy to think back on decisions or choices you’ve made and think “If only I had….” I try really hard to not do that because you just don’t know what that alternate pathway really would have brought. I loved the play “If/Then” because its premise was exactly that: intertwining the stories of the outcome of a major decision based on the two alternatives. Not to spoil the story but the two pathways each had their pluses and minuses—just like life. As I’ve written about before, there is no one pathway to success and happiness.  No one pathway ensures your success nor dooms you to failure.

I think back to what I see as major inflection points in my life.  In fact, let’s focus on a couple of major “cringe worthy” ones.  The first one that stands out in my mind was a time in 5^th grade when I confronted “the new girl” who turned out to be a bit of a bully.  It was not courage that made me stand up to her.  It was pain.  We were supposed to meet at the high school football game but she instead hung out with others she deemed more worthy.  I was 12! I was hurt!  I fought back at school on Monday and ended up getting shunned by everyone.  She was a bully but she was popular.  It was a painful time that lasted the rest of that school year.  Do I wish I hadn’t done that?  Do I think my life would have been indelibly altered had I held my tongue?  I don’t know.  But I do know this:  that time period helped me develop a strong sense of empathy for those who are pushed aside in this world.  And I believe that’s made me a better person.

Another cringe worthy incident?  (Believe me, I am choosing just a couple from a long list!)  I was 16 and driving home from my weekend stint at the local Hardee’s on a Saturday afternoon.  I was wearing my brown polyester Hardee’s uniform, including head scarf.  I was at a busy intersection, waiting to turn left.  I couldn’t really see well.  I thought there was a break in the traffic and started my turn.  I froze when I saw a station wagon barreling towards me and boom.  No one was hurt.  Traffic snarled while we stood there scratching our heads and apologizing.  And then I hear, “My baby!” and my Mom comes running over.  She’d been at the intersection in the perpendicular direction and saw the whole thing.  I think it was more traumatic for her than for me!  I played that scene out over and over again in my mind for years.  If only I’d waited for the light to turn yellow!  But you know what?  Having an accident like that when I was young turned me into a better driver.  It taught me the lesson that it can happen and you need to always assume the unexpected.  And I rarely make left turns without an arrow!

Final example:  my decision to take an international assignment in Mexico in the late 90’s.  This one is not cringe worthy at all.  Just the opposite.  It was probably the best decision I ever made!  I’ve alluded to that experience several times already.  It really boosted my career.  It really opened up my mind as a person.  It really opened up my heart and soul through the people I met.  But what if I had decided not to take that assignment?  What if I’d stayed in the US and followed a more traditional career and life path?  What if I had not had the chance to live in another country and challenge myself personally in such an existential way?  Who would I be today?  Undoubtedly, I’d be a different person with a different life.  Would it be better or worse than my life today?  I don’t know and, honestly, I don’t care.

I’ve tried very hard to take each experience that has come my way and move forward with it.  I know things could have turned out very differently but different does not mean better.  I have been so blessed all along the way and I know that had I made some different decisions here and there that I would still be blessed.  No regrets.  The key is to learn your lessons and move forward.  Don’t fixate on things you’ve done and don’t fixate on things others have done.  We all make what seem like bad decisions but good can always come from them if you choose to learn from them and move forward.  It’s just never about that one play!  Don’t forget that.