Last time, we started a discussion about role models.  I talked about what role models are, how you choose them and the importance of intentionality in choosing them.  This time, I want to discuss more about BEING a role model, how your role models evolve over time and a little bit about someone who is a really important role model for me now.

I mentioned last time that most people don’t look at themselves as role models for others.  We are just living our lives, doing our thing.  But we impact people every day with the choices we make with respect to our behavior.  Trish told me a story about a conversation she had at a high school reunion.  This was a fairly recent reunion, meaning she had been out of high school for a long time.  Decades.  A woman who Trish remembered as an acquaintance came up to her.  Not a dear friend, just someone she kind of knew.  As they were chatting, this woman said to her, “You know, I will never forget how you stood up for me.”  Trish masked her surprise as this woman told a story of how she was being bullied one day and Trish defended her.  I’m not surprised.  Trish is like a mama bear when it comes to protecting those she cares about.  But Trish did not remember the incident at all.  This woman sure did, though.  She remembered it, with such gratitude, decades later.  It made an impact.  Remember that: your words, your actions can impact others in a significant way.  Choose those words and actions well.

One of the “leadership lessons” that I often share when coaching is to remember the importance of showing a consistence “face” to your organization.  As the leader, others look to you to determine how they should be feeling and acting.  If you are calm, focused and directed, they will be as well.  And they will focus their energies on getting their jobs done.  If you are volatile, emotional and ranting, they will spend their energy focused on what might be bugging you instead of on what they control.  And if your mood changes day to day, they will ride that rollercoaster along with you.  Believe me, that is not productive for anyone.  I was not perfect at keeping that constant countenance, but I tried my best to go into my office and scream into a proverbial pillow as much as possible.

Remember, then, that people are always looking and watching.  Even if you are not running a large organization, people are observing you: family, friends, acquaintances, even strangers with whom you cross paths.  And that brings us to our next topic—how my role models have changed as I’ve gotten older and wiser.  I look, now, for examples and guidance on the kind of person I want to be, not how to achieve some goal or status or level.  In this day of social media influencers across politics, sports and entertainment, the desire to emulate heavily curated lives has gone into overdrive.  What we are being encouraged to value is, frankly, misleading at best and dangerous at worst.  That’s why I want to tell you about Lynn.

When you first meet Lynn, she will not strike you immediately as a person you’d want to emulate.  She’s unassuming.  She’s quiet (until she gets her Jersey Girl going).  She’s kind.  In fact, she’s got that sort of demeanor that puts you at ease right away.  As you get to know her, though, you realize that she is an extraordinary person.  The best way I can think of to describe her is that she embodies what Martin Luther King Jr. referred to as a “life of service”.  So little of what she does is about herself!  I have simply never met someone so authentic and compassionate, so tuned into the people around her (friend or stranger), so focused on the need for doing what’s right simply because it’s what is right.  Lynn started her own electric services business in good part because she was troubled by the scruples of her employers.  It was important to her to spend the proper amount of time with a customer; to do only what needed to be done; and, to recognize when she could do something a little extra, without a cost attached, that would really help someone out.  And before you think that this is a losing business model, know that after a few years of establishing herself, Lynn is outrageously successful and has to turn business away.  Or, rather, she should be turning business away, but instead, works crazy hours because she doesn’t want to let down those who depend on her.

This does not mean that Lynn has no backbone or that she has had it easy.  Suffice it to say that her childhood was very difficult and she deals with the fallout of that still.  It’s the sort of background that could easily have made her bitter and selfish but instead has made her even more devoted to her family.  She is loyal to those she loves and will back them forcefully when warranted.  She had to overcome dyslexia to pass her licensing exams.  I cannot even begin to comprehend that difficulty!  Every barrier she came up against, she found a way around or through.  She never gave up.  She has never failed to recognize the criticality of support from those around her, particularly her equally amazing wife.  Even though she worked tirelessly to build her business, she will fire customers in a heartbeat when it is called for—no one is allowed to take advantage of her good nature. 

I’m sure she has less admirable qualities.  She is, after all, a Patriots fan.  Even THAT allegiance is driven by loyalty to a long ago group of co-workers!  But either I’ve never been allowed to see those faults or they are so minimized by the rest of her that I can’t think of them right now.  I know it sounds like I’m putting her up on a pedestal but I’m really trying to NOT do that.  Her humility is a good part of what I admire.  Life continually challenges us to be more, do more, want more, get more.  It’s always about us, about what someone else has or achieves.  But what I really want is to be able to NOT make it about me.  I want my life to be about compassion. I want to focus more on doing for those I love, strangers who need a hand, doing what’s right simply because it’s right.  And isn’t that what role models really should be about?  Encouraging us to be better people?  Some people cross your path and change your life.  A few people come into your life and change YOU.  I want to be more like Lynn.  YOU should want to be more like Lynn.  And that’s why she should be a role model for all of us.