In my last essay, I hinted at a need to discuss this topic.  As many of you know (and can’t escape), Trish and I are undertaking a major renovation of our house.  I promised (threatened? warned?) that this renovation was going to rule my life for several months and, thus, influence my writing.  Anyone who has taken on a project like this one knows that there are going to be unexpected twists and turns.  Trish and I, even though we’ve never been through this before, gave ourselves a little talking to about being flexible and patient before this all got going.  Well, we’re two Virgos who like things the way we like them.  So let me tell you how all this is going so far.

We were supposed to start construction around the first of October, with a duration of 8-12 weeks.  Since we are getting our kitchen expanded and remodeled as well as adding a new main bedroom suite above the garage and family room, it made sense for us to move out and let the builders just have the run of the place.  Trish’s sister and brother-in-law, who live less than a mile from our house, graciously offered us their home while they wintered at their condo in Florida.  Sounds like a great plan, no?

The first unexpected change was Tom and Meg deciding to delay their departure to Florida because they had a number of commitments here in Philly through October, November, and December.  Cohabitating was not the original idea, particularly since we have two cats, they have a cat, and any cat owner staff will tell you cats don’t mix well without a lot of patience, treats, and the occasional vet visit.  Then, the start date of the construction kept slipping.  First to the middle of October.  Then to the following week.  Then the week after that.  The plan was to start by yanking the roof off the garage and family room and framing the addition, giving us an additional week to transition to Meg and Tom’s and get the kitchen cleaned out.  The Thursday before the Monday start date we were told, “Yeah, no.  Gonna rain Monday.  We’ll start by demo’ing the kitchen.”  It was a busy weekend.

Once the kitchen demo got underway, the project manager rightly raised concerns about the plan to put only one support beam below the addition.  By the time the architect got around to looking at things and pronounce the one support beam sufficient, the framers had already moved to another job and wouldn’t be available until after Thanksgiving, three weeks hence.  Work slowed to a snail’s pace.  Finally, we had the electrical walkthrough for the kitchen, deciding to not wait for the addition to be framed out first!  Yea!  And the electrical estimate came back four times the estimate in the contract.  So, we are now at Thanksgiving—almost two months after we thought we’d be well into the project—and we still hadn’t demo’d the roof over the garage, while the kitchen was down to studs and swinging light bulbs and we were wondering if the whole project might come in at 4x the estimate.  Punch, punch, punch.

I’ve written before about needing to push yourself outside of your comfort zone to keep your coping skills sharp.  However, that is a conscious choice: choosing to do something to keep yourself from overly fearing to do that type of thing in the future.  When I was younger, that meant moving to Mexico alone for 3+ years, speaking about sixteen words of Spanish before I left.  Now, it’s making myself drive to the airport.  On a weekday.  I’ve also written multiple times on the concept of coping energy (here, here, and here).  Those essays discussed, respectively, the importance of developing reserves of coping energy, building those reserves by focusing on what you can control as well as the actions you can take, and what happens when all the wheels come off at once.  This time we’re taking another sideways look at coping:  what happens when you get a string of unexpected issues that gnaw away at you little by little and what it takes to yank yourself back to an even-ish keel.

Now, one of the really good things about the relationship between Trish and me is that we rarely melt down at the same time.  In fact, I don’t think I can remember a simultaneous meltdown.  If it has happened, I’ve blocked out the trauma.  So, we just take turns.  She’d melt down and I’d calm her.  Then I’d melt down and she’d calm me.  Fortunately, we’ve continued to follow that pattern these last couple of months.  Something would happen; one of us would freak out; the other would calm them down; repeat, switching roles.  It has taken its toll, as I wrote a few essays ago.  Once again, we have shown ourselves that either it’s not as bad as we thought or simply that we’ll get past it even if something in our plan needs to change.

Where are we today?  First, sharing a home with Megan and Tom has been an unexpected joy!  We had to work out a few things, as expected, and we’ve had a lot of fun.  They left for Florida today and I’m really going to miss them (and their cat, Junior).  I’m already meal planning for when they come back for Christmas!  Next, there was indeed a misunderstanding on that electrical estimate that was cleared up two days later.  The roof is now off the garage and family room and the addition is going up.  Electrical in the kitchen looks about done.  Are we done with the punches?  Surely not.  So far, though, it’s all working out.  Sure, it’s supposed to pour rain and gust heavy winds tomorrow and the guys assured us they would tarp the heck out of the addition.  Will there be water damage?  I hope not, but if there is, we’ll deal with it.  It will get addressed.  There will be additional meltdowns and unexpected issues.  We’re in a calm enough spot right now for me to write with some confidence.  I promise I’ll find some other aspects of this project to write about going forward.  I think you’ve read enough about my coping issues!  Until then, it’s back to reestablishing routine and building up some reserves for those next punches.