My loyal readers (both of you) are probably surprised to find this essay in your Inbox.  “Why, you JUST published your Deep Thoughts essay on Reflection this past Sunday,” you must be thinking.  “And you teased us that the ‘S’ essay would be on Surrender.  Plus, you are too lazy to write another essay in less than two weeks!”  You are right on multiple counts.  Yes, I indicated at the end of the Reflection essay that, as we work our way through our year-long Abecedarium, the next essay would be on Surrender.  And it will be.  In a little over a week.  If I can figure out how to write about it.  Because, yes, I generally AM too lazy to write more often than biweekly.  Consider yourself lucky!  Or not.

I write today motivated by Trish’s birthday.  Birthdays took on a whole new meaning when I met Trish.  I learned quickly that Trish is an outstanding gift giver.  Sometimes it’s because I turn to her and say, “I want THIS for my birthday!”  But more often, it’s because she is very observant and caring and notices things that would make excellent gifts for me.  Those first couple of years, I was stunned at her gifts.  How did she know?  I asked her for her secret.  “Just pay attention,” she said.  Luckily for me, my birthday is nine days before hers, so I get a little over a week to try and make up the gap between what I got for her and what I SHOULD have gotten for her.

Over time, she shared her superpower with me and I began, in my own way, to pay attention.  You see, those “wow” gifts don’t need to cost a lot.  They just need to mean something.  In fact, one of my all-time favorite gifts is a coffee mug.  What makes this mug so special, besides the person who gave it to me, is that it wears my mantra, the quote from Brené Brown that I often use in these essays—I’m here to GET it right, not BE right.  It is the only mug I use for my morning coffee.  (Trish didn’t give it to me, but knows how much I love it and she loves the giver as much as I do.)

There is a story behind one of the gifts I gave her this year that makes a great example.  And there’s another lesson in there, as well.  To introduce the gift, I have to make sure everyone knows a couple of (non-sensitive) things about Trish.  She is an avid reader, particularly of the crime/thriller/murder genre.  This is why I sleep with one eye open.  As such, she is a fan of Lisa Scottoline.  Additionally, Lisa wrote a weekly humorous column that ran in the Philly paper for years (and that now runs on her website) called Chick Wit that Trish absolutely adores.  I went onto Lisa’s website (I’ve decided we are on first name basis, now) to see if I could buy an autographed headshot or a personally inscribed book.  Not finding a way to purchase exactly what I wanted, I sent a generally inquiry to the “Write to Lisa” email listed.

Expecting to maybe hear back from a publicist in a few weeks, I was knocked over when only an hour or two later I received an email reply from Lisa herself!  Holy cow!  I just got an email from a world famous, best-selling author!  You have to try to imagine what someone who has always enjoyed writing (and painfully pens a biweekly blog that maybe a hundred or so people read) felt receiving that outreach.  That became MY birthday present!  Anyway, Lisa was super sweet in her reply and after a couple of back and forths we had a plan.  I would buy the book of my choice and she would send me a birthday card written to Trish for me to include with the book.  Lisa sent the card out THAT day.  I could barely contain myself!  How I kept this a secret for a couple of months is beyond me.

The card arrived a few days later.  I was hoping to intercept it and squirrel it away, but I came home from running an errand and found Trish had beat me to the mailbox.  It was the only piece of mail for me and there it sat, all by itself on the kitchen table, all but yelling, “EXPLAIN ME!”  Lisa had wisely addressed the card to me and not put on a return address.  Looking like a thief, I grabbed the envelope and hid it away.  I thought I had dodged a bullet, until we were reading side by side later that night.  Then this exchanged happened:

Trish:  What was that letter you got today?

Me (a terrible liar):  Just junk mail.

Trish (knowing I’m a terrible liar):  But the address was handwritten.

Me (panicking):  It was an offer from some store.

(Brief silence.)

Me, again:  OK, fine, it’s part of a birthday present for you.  But don’t ask me anything else about it because I’m really excited and I’ll give it to you now.

Trish (knowing I WILL give it to her now because I’m like a little kid when I get excited):  OK.

That was late July.  I wrapped the book right away with the envelope in it and put it with all the other gifts I wrapped right away to avoid giving her.  Over the next two months, it took almost everything I have inside to NOT break down and give her the gift.  And then today finally arrived.

We sat down for her to unwrap her pile.  I waited for her to reach for “it”.  I tried to contain my anxiety.  As she started to unwrap the gift, I grabbed my phone and said, “I want to video you opening this one.”  She gave me a sideways look.  She could tell it was a book.  How exciting could a book be?  I’ll tell you how exciting a book can be!  Just watch the video.  We haven’t been able to stop talking about it since (hence my need to sit down and write this essay).  Yes, Trish complimented me on my thoughtfulness, but we talked mostly about how cool it was that Lisa took the time to, first, engage with me, and then to write and send the card.  I know it wasn’t a ton of effort (compared to writing dozens of books!) but it’s not about the effort.  It’s about the impact of thoughtful actions.

Trish and I have often talked about this:  the importance of doing little things that may have an outsized impact, whether you realize it or not.  And most of the time, you don’t.  That’s why she catches the eye of everyone she sees at the Y, smiles, and says “Hi.”  It’s why I’ll compliment a perfect stranger on her shoes or his eyes.  It’s why she’ll use the server’s first name.  It’s why I’ll grab someone’s empty shopping cart and take it back.  Little, personal actions matter.  I wrote in the last essay about the importance of seeing the humanity in everyone around us.  This is part of that.

Think about little things that others, even strangers, have done that made a big difference in your day or even your life.  Then pay it forward.  Look for the opportunity do little nice things for others.  Oh, and go buy a book written by Lisa Scottoline.  In fact, buy all of them.  Multiple copies.  Give them to people you love.  I have it on first hand information that she’s a pretty cool person.