[Author’s Disclaimer:  Any comments by my editor are hers and hers alone, unedited by me. 😉 ]

When I first began blogging, I shared my thinking around the five steps involved in transitioning to retirement.  You can check out that critically acclaimed three part series here, here and here.  Ever the scientist, I have continued my work in this area.  This research, which involved overhearing at least one conversation and tirelessly scanning through Facebook, has found, amazingly, that those five steps apply equally well to transitioning to Self Isolation.  To do my part in being of service to others during these difficult times, I share below these five steps to ease your mental strain as we move into April 2020—sure to be a month in which we will need some humor.

As with the Five Steps of Transitioning to Retirement, you are required to move, in order, through each of the Five Steps to Accepting Self Isolation.  Residence time in each stage will be different depending upon your particular situation and you might recycle here and there as stressors change, but you WILL go through each of these stages in turn. 

Step One: Detox  Detox in Self Isolation is not wholly different from detox in retirement in that you are for the most part separating yourself from your work environment.  The physical difference causes all but your limbic system to shut down and I’m sure that if I had access to a functional MRI, knew how to use it and interpret the scans, and was able to get within six feet of a willing volunteer, I could prove that.  Suffice it to say that I’ve seen enough evidence to support this theory:  not waking up until 8:00 or later; extensive savoring of morning coffee; pajama bottoms and slippers never coming off (please rotate pairs and do some laundry); and, high activation barriers to really engaging in work.  Depending on your work situation, number and age of children, and access to various streaming services, you will spend different amounts of time in this stage.  As with retirement, though, allow yourself to sit and drool a little while.  It’s good for you.

Step Two: Endless Vacation  During Self Isolation, this stage takes the form of Home Work Projects.  We are all, apparently, incredibly industrious elves just waiting for the opportunity (meaning “time”) to tackle a range of organizational and home improvement projects.  It has not been desire that has stopped us, no!  We have just been pulled away from home too much.  But, now!  Now we can take our commute time, shopping time, socializing time, exercising time and focus it all on the hall closet!  How’s that working out for you?  Yeah, unlike during the transition to retirement, this stage is often really short.  It doesn’t take long to figure out that time was indeed NOT the barrier to cleaning out that closet. And that’s okay. To continue to avoid these tasks, move on quickly to Step Three.

Step Three: What Day Is It?  This is the toughest stage, both in transitioning to retirement and to Self Isolation.  Even though I’ve been retired for coming on four years now (wow!), I had built enough structure into my days to at least remember to put the trash cans out on the right night.  But now, all the days seem to run together.  No matter the day, there are press conferences on TV on a continuous stream.  My workouts are down in the basement and frighteningly similar (meaning “not very taxing”), which is why I prefer the YMCA.  I had gotten in the habit of putting on real clothes every day; now I’m back into continuous sweat pants.  Thank goodness for the discipline of the Weight Watchers eating plan or I’d be in serious trouble.

The third stage, when you are feeling lost, is the one I believe most of us are struggling through right now.  It’s hard to concentrate even though there is a lack of quality distractions.  Underneath it all is the nagging uncertainty of how long this will last and how bad this pandemic will get.  Everything starts to get on your nerves and, yes, the mail truck is a daily bright spot.  I’m interested to see how history treats this time period.  In the meantime, know you are not alone in your frustrations and struggles. 

Remember, though, the reason we are doing this: it’s about trying to lower the load on our healthcare system by reducing the spread of this crazy contagious virus.  We are actually doing something for the good of the community ahead of what we sometimes feel would be better for ourselves.  Pat yourself on the back for that!  Go ahead and have some ice cream.  Or a drink.  Or an ice cream drink.  Or two.

Step Four: Catharsis  I’ve struggled over whether or not “catharsis” is the right word to use for this stage.  The definition of “catharsis” is “elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression”.  Maybe something around a “Eureka” moment is more what I was after.  But as I look at that definition, I think I had it right all along.  Once we bring the nagging discomfort to the surface and put some verbiage to it, we can move on to that Eureka moment.  That’s when you find the right pattern to your daily life under Self Isolation.  There’s a little work, a little play, a little teeny tiny bit of productive activity, a little learning, a little fun.  You get a beat to it all.

Step Five:  A New Normal  Normal, but temporary nonetheless.  Here are some of my suggestions for getting to this stage.  First, make sure you get a good belly laugh each day.  If you pee a little bit, all the better.  Second, go outside and breathe a while.  Take a walk around the neighborhood.  Hey, you have a great excuse to cross the street and avoid the neighbors you don’t want to see.  “Social distancing,” you yell as you smile and wave from a distance.  Enjoy it while you can.  Finally, set little daily goals.  Begin, please, with “bathe”.  Work up to that hall closet.  You might just find a few new habits that you’ll want to keep once we’re through this whole thing.

[Editor’s Note:  Okay, we’ve already established that Sherri is the “smart” one in this couple, uh, and also the “nice” one.  But here, folks, is the real poop on how to survive “Social Isolation”.

Step One:  Detox  Contrary to the title, you should be imbibing in your “drug” of choice to get through this—chocolate, fried foods, wine.  Or chocolate covered French fries dipped in merlot.  Whatever.  JUST DO IT (thanks, Nike…)

Step Two: Endless Vacation  I don’t know how you feel, but I’ve had more fun in some Third World countries I’ve visited than I have in this last month!  Hell, even my African dysentery incident seems like a picnic to March 2020.  But I digress….  My home improvement projects have included painting every room in the house.  Not sure any of them needed it, but the disarray drives Sherri into a different room—and we both pass out by 7:00 pm from the fumes.  Try it.

Step Three:  What Day Is It?  Only 1 day counts—Sunday, for CBS Sunday Morning and an afternoon of Sunday paper reading/puzzles.  The New York Times Crossword has kept our marriage together. Not because we do it together, but rather because this is the only way I feel adequate and convince myself I am not intellectually stultifying Sherri (yes, getting back into therapy is on my post-COVID list).

Step Four:  Catharsis  This is when the wine and paint buzz hits.

Step Five:  New Normal  Don’t know WTF this will look like but I’m sure glad I have a life partner that can laugh (and wet her pants) with me!

Stay Safe Everyone!  Trish, the dumber, meaner Editor]