It’s late Friday afternoon and my publishing deadline is Sunday.  I have no idea what to write about for this post.  It’s not that I lack topics.  I just lack topics that I actually want to write about and that you might want to read.  There is no overlap in that Venn diagram this week.  Writing is therapy for me, so it’s not that I haven’t been writing.  I’ve been writing furiously.  And, trust me, you wouldn’t want to read any of it.  Not if you like and respect me and want to continue to do so.  I am therefore doing what writers are supposed to do: just start writing.  My goal as a writer is to find language to express feelings and emotions.  When you are able to put words around something you sense, you are on the road to awareness and reconciliation.  I’ve got lots of stuff nudging at me.  Let’s see what comes out.

I’m guessing that you, like me, are getting dang tired of this pandemic.  I’m tired of the upward curve on deaths in the US that does not seem to be plateauing even after reaching 100,000.  I’m tired of the mental mood swings that run the range from gratitude that I have the means to stay home and enjoy doing it (most of the time) to raging at the injustice of how this virus is attacking our most vulnerable (both physically and economically) to fear that I’m not as safe as I think I am to frustration at how really, really badly I need a haircut to boredom with the same activities to self-flagellation around my own privilege and hubris.  And I’m tired of feeling tired.

The Pennsylvania Governor is set to move my county into the Yellow Zone next Friday, which brings with it many new freedoms.  Don’t really know what those freedoms are beyond some limited outdoor seating at restaurants but I am assured there will be more freedoms.  Will I really do anything different?  The Y won’t be open yet.  I doubt the in-person Weight Watchers workshops will start back up this soon.  Will I finally be able to go to DSW and get new “running” shoes? (I don’t really run.)  I know that whatever I’ll be doing, I’ll be wearing a mask and harshly judging (and avoiding) those who don’t.  I won’t be getting my hair cut.  I won’t be booking flights anywhere anytime soon.  And I won’t stop being wary of strangers that get too close (not that I was ever really comfortable with that, anyway).  I guess the bottom line is that I won’t feel “safe” and that is what I really want.

But enough of this Debbie Downer stuff!  There are also a lot of really GOOD things going on!  People are showing kindnesses to one another in very heartwarming ways.  We are taking care of each other and while we aren’t making everything all better, we are at least remembering our—and others’—humanity.  Let’s count up some of those good things.  For one, my family is now doing a weekly Zoom call.  I started Zooming with my Mom a month or so ago because I just wanted to see her face.  For Mother’s Day, a couple other family members joined in.  Last week, almost all of us were on the call and we’ve decided to make it a weekly thing.  Not a requirement, mind you.  But we now actually might get to see each other’s faces all together more than three times a year.  This is one of those pandemic workarounds that hopefully will outlast the virus.

I have discovered a local food pantry that I am now regularly supplying.  They have a list each week of what they need most and when I go to Costco, I pick up a few things along with my own list and drop them off.  This food pantry existed before the pandemic and will continue afterwards.  There has always been local need, it’s just more urgent now.  After the pandemic passes, the food pantry will still be needed and now I have a local outlet I can regularly support.  That makes me happy!

Speaking of Costco, when I went for my biweekly run yesterday, guess what?  Kirkland toilet paper was back!  Huge piles!  Like “normal”!  It didn’t even look like they were limiting amounts.  There were a bunch of us standing around the mountainous display just smiling.  Or, I think people were smiling.  Masks, you know.  But you can see it in their eyes.  “Feels like we’re getting back some semblance of normalcy!” I said to no one and everyone.  There were mumbles and head bobs of agreement.

Masks, by the way, have quickly become the fashion accessory du jour.  My Facebook feed is littered, now, with all kinds of nifty designs and breathable, washable fabrics.  I feel like buying more than the utilitarian ones I have now.  We’re going to be wearing these things for a while (or at least I hope so).  I want one of the ones that seem designed for working out.  I want at least one gator.  I might get one imprinted with an owl image.  One for the Philadelphia Eagles.  Maybe the Phillies.  The possibilities are endless!  AND, I don’t really need to put make up on if I’m going to be wearing one.

I’m saying Thank You a lot more these days, too, and I’m seeing others do it as well.  That’s something else I hope sticks around.  We’ve made “essential workers” heroes during this time.  Why weren’t we appreciating them more before all this?  The servers, the grocery store clerks and stockers, the garbage dudes, the mailmen.  People are actually seeing them now.  And appreciating what they do.  And saying Thank You.  Please don’t stop that.  Ever.

Tonight is Treat Night.  Trish and I do this every couple of weeks, usually on weigh-in day.  We split a cheesesteak for dinner along with a piece of pizza each.  There is usually a beer or a glass of wine.  To prepare for this, we eat “zero point” foods the rest of the day.  And we still go over our point allowance a bit, but it’s just one day.  I used to chow three pieces of pizza without taking a breath and barely remembering the taste.  Now, I savor that half a cheesesteak and that piece of pizza.  I love every bite.  It’s plenty of food.  It tastes delicious.  I am much more aware of food that I never really took a lot of notice of before.  Don’t get me wrong:  I love the way we eat now.  I’ve lost a bunch of weight and feel better and truly love the food.  I just have more appreciation for delicious food, any delicious food, because I am so much more mindful about eating.  THAT is something that I want to see stay after we have a vaccine and the extreme awareness we have around COVID-19 fades.  I want to see people stay more mindful about the people around them—family, friends, service providers, everyone.  Being kind to each other.  That would be a good outcome.

I feel better, now.  I’ve put words to some of those feeling nagging at me.  I’m guessing they’ve been nagging at you, too.  I guess I had something to write about after all.