Happy New Year, my loyal readers, and welcome to the final installment of our year-long Abecedarium!  I’ve thought long and hard about the best way to wrap up this journey.  I could have written some sort of “best of” list, which seems too common at the end of a year.  I could have written some deep thoughts about this journey we’ve been on together.  But, since the year-end is usually a Zoo for us all, I thought humor might be the best way to go.  Herewith, a slightly fictionalized recap of these last two weeks, presented in four parts, since while the truth has its funny moments, making some stuff up is way more fun.  I’ll leave it up to you to determine what is fact and what is fiction!

Part One:  The Great Eating (and Drinking)

The week leading up to Christmas is a time of social gatherings, eating, drinking, and general merry making.  As a Jew, I did not really participate in much of this most of my life.  Hannukah has its latkes and brisket, but it doesn’t hold a candle (pun intended) to what I’ve stepped into since I slid into Trish’s social circle.  All I want to do during this week is sleep, eat beans, and feel normal.  Instead, I never know what day it is, I have heartburn every night along with alcohol-induced insomnia, and a daily 5:00 am wake-up call from Baxter.  OK, so the Baxter wake-up call happens every day but it’s more annoying to have a kitten wail one inch from your face when you are uncomfortable and haven’t slept.

Our engagements included: 

• Three “light” dinners at friends’ houses, involving delicious but constipating appetizers, wine, lots of red meat, wine, heavy desserts, wine, and cookies.  Always cookies.  And wine.
• A Christmas cookie bake sale to support a cat rescue (more cookies).
• A traditional Christmas Eve Eve neighborhood party (more wine, “signature” cocktails, constipating appetizers, heavy desserts, along with conversations for hours amidst so much background noise that my aging hearing only picked up half of what was said).
• Christmas Eve with part of the family that involved (all together now) wine, constipating appetizers, and cookies.

By the time Christmas morning broke, I was exhausted.

Part Two: Presents

Trish and I live by a certain Fairness Doctrine.  We split household chores and are constantly afraid the other one is doing “more” so we fight to scoop the cat litter or take out the trash.  Gift-giving is no different.  My birthday falls a week before hers, so if I feel she has “outdone” me in the gift-buying, I have a week to fill in gaps.  But Christmas morning means we open gifts at the same time, so there is always a little panic.  Plus, since I have a really hard time keeping gifts until the appointed day, I tend to wrap them as soon as I buy them and put them away.  This means I forget what I’ve bought her.  The bad part of this characteristic is that I over buy.  The good part is that her gift-opening is just as exciting for me as it is for her!  I can’t wait to see what I got her!

This Christmas morning was wonderful.  Baxter let me sleep until almost 6:00 am.  We put the Yule Log channel on the TV.  We made decadent breakfasts, partly to hold us until the family gathering and partly because, well, why not?  We ate a few cookies.  Here are the winners of the 2023 Gift Awards:

• Best Gift I Asked For:  A T-shirt from the Drunk Phils Fans Facebook page.  We are big fans of our Phillies (baseball team) and, as such, complain about them all the time.  This Facebook page is a riot—and they have merch.  Proceeds (supposedly) go to local charities.  Their motto:  Our Bases are Always Loaded.  I will wear that T-shirt with pride!
• Best Gift I didn’t Ask For:  The book What an Owl Knows.  I’m sure it was on my wishlist.  A non-fiction book about owls.  Nothing could be better!  I tend not to buy myself books anymore because I still have SO MANY that need to be read.  However, I can’t wait to dig into this one!
• Riskiest Gift: An Instant Pot.  I told Trish I did NOT want an Instant Pot because I get skittish about pressure cookers.  I have no idea why.  I must have had an accident with one in a previous life.  However, I have been intrigued and three of my favorite people have one.  Over the last week or so, I’ve been watching videos, joining Facebook groups, and perusing recipe websites.  I’m getting excited!  I know I’m going to love it.  I think today is going to be the day that I will boil water and hope I don’t blow the house up.

Part Three:  Family

Trish’s brother and his wife have been hosting the Family Christmas for years now and it is always an amazing day.  This year began with Trish volunteering me to make an appetizer that a foodie friend of ours had made during the Week of Eating festivities.  I had never made it before.  Now I was going to be making it for my in-laws who, I admit, I am still trying to impress nine years in.  This appetizer was a two-day prep affair and had to be served warm.  They weren’t pretty, but they tasted decent.  I butlered them around the house and since every time I turned around, her brother was there to grab another one, I think I did good.

Besides the wine, constipating appetizers (not mine), wine, red meat, wine, heavy desserts, and cookies (and wine), the best part of Christmas Day is the Reindeer Games.  Trish has a big family and almost everyone participates which makes this loads of fun.  There are always abusive gag gifts.  The only one I will share in this G-rated blog was the coaster we were given with a picture of a cat saying, “Let’s sit down and discuss what happened to my testicles.”  This, I assume, was for Baxter. The highlight this year was the Ball o’ Prizes:  a bunch of small prizes (candy, airplane-size bottles of booze, gift cards) wrapped in layers of saran wrap that you need to unroll while wearing oven mitts.  You have until the next person in line rolls doubles on a pair of dice. Since there had already been much wine, hilarity ensued and was captured on video.  And posted to Facebook, where it will live forever.

After Christmas, Trish and I boarded a plane to Atlanta to visit my family and celebrate my Mom’s 90^th birthday.  By now, we were both exhausted, hadn’t slept, and our systems are totally out of whack.  But, hey!  Time for more wine, appies, foods we’re not used to eating, wine, a little Fireball, and more social interaction than my worn-out psyche had absorbed in a long time.  Yet we loved every minute!  Mom’s birthday lunch is the first time the whole family had been together in ages since my California Girl niece and I are rarely in Atlanta at the same time.  We sat around a big round table at Mom’s favorite Chinese restaurant and fêted our matriarch.  I could feel my Dad’s presence.

Part Four:  The Re-entry

We headed home the day of New Years Eve.  I, of course, woke up at 3:00 and couldn’t get back to sleep.  The Uber picked us up at 6:00 for a 9:00 am flight because the Atlanta airport is so busy.  Except for THAT day.  No traffic.  No line at security.  We were at the gate before 7:00.  We treated ourselves to one more large meal (served at a restaurant) and boarded on time.  Then we sat on the plane for three hours in a queue to get de-iced.  I think they need to de-ice planes maybe once every three years in Atlanta.  Lucky us!  We rolled in the door some time mid-afternoon, just in time to watch the Eagles lose yet another game they should have won.  We slept 10 hours that night.  I made a big pot of 16 bean soup the next day.

We were tired and cranky and yet happy.  It was an outstanding holiday season.  We all feel pressured to have a Hallmark Holiday, but real life is messy.  People fight and get sick and misbehave, but they also show up and laugh and love.  So much social interaction does drain this introvert but it also fills me up.  In the end, all we have is each other.  Let’s have a little wine, some cookies, and enjoy that.