In my last essay, I began the story of how Trish and I gave into pressure and willingly undertook learning to play golf. What finally got us over the first hurdle was the opportunity to take lessons at our Golf Club (where we have done everything BUT play golf for the past two years) as guests of golfing friends. I took you through my paralyzing perfectionism as I geared up for that first lesson. This time, we’ll talk about how all that turned out.

The lessons took the form of five once-a-week, hour-and-a-half sessions. During the first four sessions, we’d tackle one aspect of the game. The capstone in Week 5 was going out on the course and playing a five-hole scramble. That first Thursday afternoon was a scorcher—90 degrees in the shade in April! Trish and I had on our dress-code-approved golf ensembles and dropped off our clubs with the golf staff as we drove on site. So far so good. The pros split us into two groups and LouAnn and I were assigned to the “putting” group. Excellent first challenge for me, since I have played Putt Putt my whole life and had some comfort there. Trish and Kristin went with the driving range group to practice with irons and fairway woods. Trish has no fear. None. She just wants to have fun—a much better core competence than my perfectionism. When told to grab a fairway wood out of her bag, Trish grabbed her driver. She calls it her Fred Flintstone club because it has such a large head. The woman has a MONSTER drive! And she was not hitting off a tee! She just has fun smacking a golf ball. In fact, she would use her driver everywhere on the course if she could—including putting.

The rest of our lessons were a challenge, weather-wise. After that first 90 degree day, “Spring” in PA returned and we were in the 60’s at best. With some wind.  A lot of wind.  Like I needed something ELSE to add to my anxiety. The second week, LouAnn and I worked on our drivers and fairway woods.  Have you ever hit balls for an hour and a half after not having really hit balls for decades? The pro came around occasionally to give tips but I think he quickly realized he could have more impact elsewhere.  LouAnn continued to be my patient partner and coach.  There were a few good shots in there, but as I tired, I became a bit of a liability—especially since the Club’s driving range has no barrier between stations.  After the second time I almost hit the person next to me, I decided a water break was in order.

Week 3 brought the driving range again, with a focus on driving off a tee.  For an hour and a half.  Again, there were a few good hits.  And this is the thing about golf: You can hit the ball 25 times and 24 of those hits will be pathetic.  But that one good shot!  That one good shot is like crack.  You hit that ONE drive straight, with decent loft and with good distance and you think, “Yesssss.  I can do this.”  And that’s why you keep coming back.

Week 4 was a pleasant surprise.  For some unknown reason, I have a pretty good short game!  Actually, I know the reason.  Control.  Pitching wedges are short; you stand very close to the ball; and, your swing is kind of a halfway punch.  I can control that.  I was getting excellent loft time and again, dropping the ball onto the green.  One of our friends even said she watched my stance and swing to try to imitate it.  I play that over and over in my mind like a little kid who got their first gold star in kindergarten!  Contrast that with driving.  The club shaft is super long.  When I line up for a drive I feel like the club head is in the next county!  I think I instinctively shut my eyes on the down swing because I’m so afraid of what will happen!  Trish and I will be excellent partners in a scramble game.  Between her drive and my short game, we make one decent golfer!

Then came Week 5.  Course play.  The nerves were back because you only get that one swing.  Although the groups were spread out on the course for a shotgun start, LouAnn and I had a foursome behind us on Hole 1.  That meant I had to tee off with a bunch of people watching me.  And you know what? I hit an excellent tee shot!  My only good one of the day, but that was excellent timing.  I am sure my Dad and my mother-in-law were guiding that club head from above.  Took all the pressure off.  LouAnn and I had a blast! We were tooling around in the golf cart, talking and laughing.  LouAnn was coaching me up on golf course etiquette and continually encouraging me, even when the ball dribbled 20 feet to the left.  I would say I hit at least one good shot of each type: one good drive; one decent fairway shot; several excellent sand and wedge shots; one superb putt.  I’m hooked!

At the dinner afterwards, I felt wonderful!  And it was more than the cosmo that I drank on an empty stomach.  I finally felt like I belonged with this group of women at that Club.  I had on golf clothes.  I had hat hair.  I was laughing about course play.  But then it occurred to me that I always belonged.  I was just focusing on how I was different, not how I was the same.  Clearly that’s been an issue for me my whole life—hyper awareness of my differences.  I am gay in a straight world; Jewish in a predominantly Christian country; a chemist at an engineering firm; a woman in a male dominated field.  But there are also many ways I am like those around me, too, and I mean more than an affinity for vodka martinis.  I have spent my life on the outside looking in by choice, not because it’s been forced on me.  Time to let myself inside.  We all have a lot more in common than we think.  We just have to look for it and focus on that instead of the differences.  In fact, when you do that, the differences just become a chance to learn something.  I think we could all use a little more of that right now.

Me?  I’m headed back to the driving range.  Because what I REALLY want to have in common with these ladies is a good tee shot.