Earlier, I posted my first essays directed at discussing Diversity and Inclusion.  I started by defining the touchy concept of Unearned Privilege and then got into Unintentional Bias.  I wanted to wrap up this first go-round on D&I with a discussion about the “I”—Inclusion.  If you haven’t read those first two essays in this series, I encourage you to do so.  These concepts all flow together and reinforce each other. 

First, I need to define what I mean by “inclusion”.  I’m not necessarily talking about including people of all types and backgrounds on teams or in the room.  Don’t get me wrong—I think we SHOULD do that whenever possible, because you theoretically get a broader set of ideas and inputs from a group of diverse people.  It also makes your life richer to know and embrace people different from you.  That sort of representational approach to inclusion is the part that everyone is aware of and tends to be what people focus on initially.  What I’m speaking to in this essay is the more difficult part of “inclusion”—inclusive thinking.  “Inclusion” in this respect means asking yourself, “what am I assuming about this situation that’s borne from applying a broad brush to a whole group of people and do I need to take a step back for a second and challenge those assumptions?”  In the workplace, this often takes the form of dismissing ideas different from your own without really thinking through them or not considering someone for a role because they are different from what you envision in the job.  In your personal life, it could take the form of judging someone’s behavior and intent based on some defining characteristic (like race or age or accent), projecting your own interpretation on their actions. 

Remember that a couple of themes fell out of those first two essays: first, that people are usually unaware of their own privilege and biases; and, second, that developing an awareness of both is an active and on-going process.  Similarly, inclusive thinking is itself an active and on-going process.  Before I go further, let me remind you that we often spend a lot of time pointing out privilege and bias expressed by others; I’d rather we take that righteousness and first turn in inwards.  While it is indeed important to hold others accountable for the impact of their biases on other people, we all have way too much work to do on ourselves to have so much time available to “correct” others.

Let’s assume for the sake of discussion that you are well on your way to detangling which aspects of your life reflect unearned privilege and which reflect where you have been in the subordinate position (i.e. where you are a “fish” and where you are a “scuba diver”, using the analogy we’ve discussed before).  You have also started catching yourself in unintentional bias.  All of this navel gazing is a prerequisite for being able to navigate the world around us with a mindset of inclusion.  Your work, however, is just beginning.  Remember that we are hard wired to naturally trust those who are like us.  “Like us” can mean many different things: it could be race, religion, educational background, where you grew up or where you live now, work experience, and a zillion other things.  We simply gravitate toward those with whom we feel we have something in common.  It’s comfortable.  It’s easy.  It’s a nice shortcut.  And it’s what’s gotten us to our current environment in which we default to tribalism.

I am going to come right out and say something many might feel uncomfortable articulating: it is ok to feel more comfortable with people you share common traits or experiences with and, in fact, it is ok to seek out time with your “affinity” groups.  When I reaffiliated with a synagogue in the 2000’s after not having really engaged with the Jewish community for decades, I found a comfort in community that I hadn’t realized I’d needed so much.  I was very isolated as a Jew at work and while I never felt overt anti-Semitism, I always was aware of my difference.  Going to synagogue, building that Jewish community and feeling enveloped by it was just good for my soul.  Similarly, when I am with a group of gay friends or in a predominantly gay environment, THAT is good for my soul.  In neither situation am I with people who are just like me in all ways.  They just happen to share one trait that, in that moment, makes me feel less alone and more comfortable.

When is it not ok to seek out just your “peeps”?  It is when that group is in a power position and when they are together, they are making decisions and allocating resources in a way that highly favors people in the group and excludes people outside of the group.  A group of white men playing golf and having a good time is not a bad thing.  It would be a bad thing if, during that golf game, they made decisions on who should get the next promotion or worked out business deals with each other without realizing the narrowness of their inputs.  I’m not saying golf games should be banished.  I’m not saying friendships and relationships between members of affinity groups should be de-emphasized.  We’ve already established that we feel more comfortable around people we share key traits with.  My thesis is that big decisions and important discussion should not be happening so casually in a homogeneous group.  There needs to be more intention in those discussions about inclusion.  What I am saying is that if you are in a power position or any position of influence, you need to ACTIVELY seek out perspectives from people outside of your group, ACTIVELY embrace the exclusionary character of your own comfort zone, and ACTIVELY pursue ideas and options that include people and ideas different from your own.  Inclusion is an ACTIVE process.

This is not just a business issue.  It’s not even primarily a business issue!  The flip side to feeling more comfortable with people “like us” is that our lives become limited and narrow.  If you stay within your comfort bubble, pushing away people and ideas and experiences different from what you have known then you are missing out on a whole lot of richness in life.  As I discussed in the title essay to this blog, living for a few years in Mexico really drove that home to me.  I never realized how many aspects about how I lived my life were not universal.  Opening myself up to different living patterns, different ways of thinking and seeing the world, different ways of navigating daily life has made me a much happier person.  But you don’t need to go live in another country for a few years to get this benefit.  You just need to embrace an active curiosity about the people around you.  Purposefully resist instantly applying stereotypes and judgments.  Challenge yourself to treat an individual as a whole human, worthy of your interest.

I’m walking a fine line here.  I don’t want to sound punitive; however, all of us in some way, by accident of birth and circumstance, find ourselves to be comfortable fish in the ocean barely aware of the various scuba divers struggling around us.  Being aware of their struggle is just not enough.  Encouraging them to throw off their scuba gear and just be like fish will not eliminate their struggle or burden.  We need to actively work to understand people different from us; we need to actively embrace that “different” does not mean better or worse, just different; and, we need to actively hold ourselves and others accountable for the impacts of unintentional bias borne from unearned privilege. Inclusion is an ACTIVE process.